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so it begins

so it begins

Posted from: OR, USA

Where should I begin? Maybe that should be the title.

I have always liked the idea of blogging. I have made attempts in the past but became too consumed with what I was writing down and if anyone really cared in the first place. Today, I am throwing caution to the wind and saying “screw it.” I have some things to share with my family and friends and quite frankly, I need their support. Okay, I FINALLY admitted that.

As many of you know, I LOVE our little family of three but there is no secret that we have tried for several years now to have another. Clearly, that has not been in the cards. I have tried almost everything from prescription drugs and artificial insemination to herbs and acupuncture (I am sure I am forgetting more). Now, Greg and I have decided to put all our eggs in one basket, no pun intended, and will use the remainder of our $10,000 infertility insurance coverage to go for the big one, Invitrofertilization. A word, I was pretty convinced, I would NEVER have to use. I mean, why would I? My mom has four daughters, my sisters have never had a problem, even my grandma gave birth to seven children. Having babies is a strong suit in my family. If only it came down to genetics.

Through all the tests both Greg and I have undergone, there is no specific problem that is preventing us from having a baby. I have some endometriosis, which I have been told is like scar tissue, and this could be the cause. Part of me believes that it just wasn’t our time.

I wish we didn’t have to plan for this. If I unexpectedly became pregnant, I would just shrug my shoulders and say, “Okay, I’m pregnant, things will all work themselves out.” I could say the same in this situation and I have been slowly training my thoughts, but there is so much to think about. Apparently there is a large box that I will need to pick up from the pharmacy filled to the brim with medication. Shots I will have to administer to myself and several drugs that I will have to track daily to make sure I have taken them and timed it correctly. The doctors will have to make sure the drugs are working, and when it is time to retrieve the eggs, they need to be viable enough to work. Once the embryos are created in the lab, they will grow for five days and two will be placed back into my uterus.Then we will keep our fingers crossed. Nine days later, we will receive a call to let us know if we are pregnant or not. Just the thought of that call makes my heart skip and my stomach turn.

So, why am I writing this blog? Maybe it is because I realized last night, as we sat in our first IVF class, that I really need my family and friends. I am a little scared. Just knowing that I have lots of positive thoughts coming this direction will make it just a little easier.

I am one very lucky girl. I have an amazing husband and the best little boy a girl could ask for. If that is all I get, I am SO okay with it. Things could be so much more difficult and I am, in no way, feeling sorry for myself.

So, I am writing this blog. The irony is that I am a planner by occupation and I have since learned there is only so much you can actually plan for. So, I have decided to just go along for the ride.

love you all.


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