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the glass is half...


A few months back, our little party of three was having family time around the breakfast table. Greg got up to grab a plate and Oscar asked to have more milk. Not thinking about my words, I handed the cup to Greg and said, “Here, it is half empty.” He turned to me and said, “Actually, it is half full.” So much for hypothetical, half empty/half full scenarios.

This will all come into play again during my Thursday doctor’s appointment.

First, I’ll fill you in with an update.

The purpose of this check-up was to make sure that everything was in the correct phase of progression. Our doctor wanted to be sure that all the follicles were growing at the same rate and that one was not larger than the others. If this was the case, they would reevaluate the treatment and prolong the next set of drugs for another week. The good news was that everything appeared to be on track. *sigh of relief*

The bad news is that those terrible, little cysts that where discovered on my ovaries and diagnosed at endometriosis, are still there. One has shrunken in size, the other has grown a bit larger. Now, I can sense the question you are DYING to ask and I am going to give you the answer. I am not going through the process of having the cysts removed per our doctor’s recommendation. He believes IVF would be the best option for us. We could have the surgery to remove the cysts and then try insemination again, but Greg and I only have so much money (and insurance coverage) and time (we aren’t gettin’ any younger). We felt it would be best to go with the procedure that has the greatest success rate (60%).

Anyway, back to my ovaries.

The problem is that those cysts can prevent follicles from growing and therefore, may affect the number of eggs I can produce. Some women produce upwards of 25 or more eggs. The more the merrier for all. The doctor said that he has seen women with cysts produce 30 eggs. I have heard of women with no cysts, produce 11. Everyone is different and quite simply, we never know what we are going to get.

So here is where the “half empty” comes into play and keep in mind that I can be a highly competitive individual. That “11” number is not okay with me. I want to produce the most AND the best. I mean, I am healthy. I workout. I take my vitamins. I use the Wii Fit AND eat kale. My uterus should LOVE me! As the doctor is filling us in, I am thinking, “This is NOT good” and I do become a little worried. Then I look over at Greg and he has this sweet smile on his face. The doctor leaves the room and Greg reaches over and rubs my shoulder. He is happy. The doctor says that everything is on track. What?! That is NOT what I heard!

I leave the appointment a bit defeated but thankful for Greg’s reaction. I have a lot to learn about myself and how I see things. I don’t want these posts to sound sad and pessimistic. I feel very strongly about being positive, setting intentions and prayer. But there is no denying that those negative moments arise. I need to recognize them. Sit with them. Then ask them very kindly, and in my most sweet voice, to “get the hell outta here.”

Now to sign off in my most sweet, endearing voice :)

love,

kara

 

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