she's baaaack.

she’s baaaack…

Yup.

You heard that correctly.

I am back and have my fightin’ gloves on.

Suddenly, I feel this surge of hope again. I’m NOT giving up. WE are not giving up. I keep hearing my sister’s voice in my head saying, “Kara, NO ONE has told you this can’t happen.”

She is right.

If anything, I have been told it can happen. I just need to still believe it WILL happen.

Greg and I had our meeting with the doctor yesterday. Greg had to park the car while I went inside to wait. Taking the first steps into the office, I had a strong visceral reaction and texted Greg immediately, “Let me know when you have parked. I don’t like being here without you.” I felt this need to have him there to guard me.

When we were directed back into a conference room (ugh, so formal), I wanted to run. Fast. But before I could bolt, the doctor made a timely entrance and we sat down. All I could think was, “Where is this going to take us?" And he began to talk. He was disappointed for us, maybe even for himself. There still was not a logical answer as to why a healthy, (fairly) young couple would have trouble. I produced lots of eggs, 15 of the 22 were mature. All of Greg’s numbers were where they should be. To put it simply, the embryos just did not grow.

So the questions started flying:

  • I was concerned that my eggs were no longer viable. Quality vs. quantity. The doctor assured me that he did not think this was an issue.

  • Should we do genetic testing (on the embryos)? He did not think this was necessary and that this usually occurs in women over forty.

  • Thinking we should take another less expensive route, I asked if ORM does insemination differently than OHSU (where we had the procedures). He said that they are very similar. He could put me on a different drug to help grow more follicles but that is both expensive and a step back.

  • I asked, "Should the endometriosis be removed?” He told us that it would increase our chances for both insemination and natural conception, but not for IVF. For IVF, the removal could affect the blood flow and lower the number of eggs that I have.

There were so many questions and so many answers.

In a last ditch effort to get some answers, Greg threw out some questions based on his recent online medical research. He had recently read that some infertility issues come from Sperm DNA fragmentation. It is essentially poor quality sperm DNA. As the doctor explained, there is a blood vessel near the testicles that can become inflamed and can effect the sperm. The doctor said he does not normally suggest this test but has done it in the past. Every time, it has come back normal.

This seemed like the most appropriate time to tell our doctor that Greg rides his bike AND wears spandex.

A LOT.

Our doctor was interested and asked how much.

Um, 40 miles a day.

Suddenly, our doctor was even MORE interested.

Back when we were seeing a do