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cleaning out the cupboards.

Oscar is now in kindergarten.

I choked up a bit when we dropped him off. As excited as he was, he ran back to us as we left his classroom for one more hug goodbye. How could I not feel emotional? It is want he would have wanted, right? As Greg and I left the school and were on our bikes for the ride home, all we could keep saying was, “I can’t believe he is five. Wow, kindergarten. Wow.” However, the second we reached our destination and opened the house door, I unleashed what had been building for weeks, an open calendar and a girl who has a whole lot to do!

I became a crazed woman. I filled up my calendar. Meetings, appointments, drinks with the girls. I pulled open unorganized drawers and threw their contents on the floor. I finally cleaned the bathroom. It was freedom and I was out of control.

So now, I have a full calendar with little time to spare and a house with contents strewn across my floors. Oh, and parents arriving in a few weeks. But nonetheless, I love every bit of it.

I feel the need to get rid of things. Like a cleanse, it all needs to be done to make my spirit a little bit healthier, a little lighter. That is my holistic approach. Greg would tell me it is the OCD side of me coming out. That tends to happen about once or twice a year.

This feels a little different. Oscar is older now and I need to rid of things that just don’t fit into our lives anymore. I am still keeping some baby things “just in case,” but I am no longer safe keeping every single piece of his “too small” wardrobe. I did that after his first year, believing another baby would be here sooner rather than later. Those clothes are vacuum sealed in a plastic bin in the crawlspace. When the time comes, they can reintroduce themselves. But I don’t want to keep saving. Sure, I’ll keep those purple skinny jeans of his, but the rest can go. It is time to make the spring in my step just a little higher.


As for an update, I owe you all one. Several people have asked (thank you) and I reminded myself that was the whole purpose of this blog. So here it is:

I have received 2 shots of Lupron Depot. The first in August and the second last week. During my recent visit, my IVF coordinator, Megan, and I worked out the calendar to determine when I could begin the IVF cycle. As it turns out, if we continued with one more shot (you have to have a total of three) in October that would put me in a retrieval/transfer around Christmas. The last thing I want to do around the holidays is an IVF cycle. So, we have decided to add an additional shot of Lupron Depot in November and plan on starting the IVF shots at the end of December. Ahhh, I feel relieved. I am not entirely thrilled to be going through the process again, but feel a weight off my shoulders knowing a time has finally been set. It is easy to want to procrastinate at starting this all over again. Now that I have the marathon date, I just need to start training.



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