things are looking up
Well, here we go again.
As luck would have it, we have been told my body is in prime, tip-top shape to begin a marathon run of shots and examinations. YEEHAWWW!!! Note: there is some sarcasm hiding between the “E’s” and the “W’s
It appears the three months of shots have worked and, though we had anticpated beginning treatment in January, we thought, "what the hell, lets begin next week!” Some of you are aware that, as much as I am a planner, I will also do some very random things. For example, I have been known to call everyone the night before and tell them I want to throw a big birthday party for Oscar Joe because the weather WILL be nice. Sometimes, I prefer short spans of added pressure. In the oddest way, it I think it calms me.
Of course, we did not see this coming. Megan, our IVF coordinator, called last week to inform of us the changes. It means that I am now officially on meds and next week I will begin the shots. I am not bothered by any of this. The shots are fine and based on the first experience, my body handled it all very well. What I can’t seem to wrap my mind around it what this all means. In our last experience, I prepped for the month of January. We took the classes, I was focused and in touch. I went to Costa Rica to meditate for pete’s sake! By February, I felt mentally prepared and when the shots came, I was like Rocky, ready to run up stairs and throw a few punches. Now, it just feels surreal.
Then the questions start coming.
What are we getting ourselves into? Are we doing the right thing? I mean, our life if pretty great right now and why fix what isn’t broken? Last week we were able to sit at dinner with my parents at a NICE restaurant and Oscar was fun to have there WITH us. If this does work, we will have dirty diapers and sleepless nights and if it doesn’t work, we will have to live through all of that pain all over again. I guess you would say I am a little scared.
The thing is, there is something about being fearful and stepping out of our comfort zone. I remember a former boss telling me, after she had accepted a new position, “I knew it was time for something new as soon as I began to feel comfortable.” Then, I can’t help but remember a quote that came to me from the daily emails I receive. It said:
First, choose from the options that thrill you.
Then, choose the ones that also teach you.
And from these, kara, choose the scariest.
I guess I know what category this falls into.
Last week Oscar told me it was Bernard’s birthday. In case you haven’t met him, Bernard is Oscar’s sweet stuffed bear. As we planned a little party for our dear old friend, I asked Oscar what he would like to get Bernard. He replied, “a little brother.” My heart melted and for that moment, there wasn’t a cloud of fear. It was just what I needed. It was what I needed to tell comfort to “SUCK IT.” We are doing this and there is no turning back.
love,
k