too good to be true.


too good to be true.

Oh, did I have a story to tell you.

It was a good one.

You know, the kind you write home about. The story you tell your friends and then your friends tell their friends. The one that proves that dark clouds do have a silver lining and that something beautiful can come from all that rubble and dust. Ah, a good story indeed.

At least, I DID and it WAS.

But life changes quickly and doesn’t ask our permission.

On Friday, as Oscar, Greg and I lay on our couch, wrapped in blankets and watching Harry Potter, I had a miscarriage.

As simple as that.

It was over.

Bleeding, cramping and stunned, my life had changed once again and I had no say.

I had hoped this was going to be an amazing story to share. After the death of my father, an accidental, natural pregnancy seemed like everything that my family needed. It was as if my father was still looking out for us, in whatever dimension he was watching us from.

It all happened so perfectly.

Two weeks ago, I bought a pregnancy test. Not because I thought I was pregnant but because, as many of you know, I have 4 nice embryos frozen in a lab and waiting to test their strength and durability. I have a few tests that I need to have done prior to the embryo transfer and I was aware, before scheduling the tests, that the nurse would ask when my last period was. Upon answering the question, I would tell her October 4 and she would follow up with the obvious question- are you pregnant? Being that this was November 12, my cycle was certainly suggesting I was late but since having Ophelia, nothing has been on schedule. So I bought the test and it came back, most shockingly, as pregnant. My jaw dropped and hit the floor.