knee deep in pink garland and counting down the days until salted rim margaritas
I SWORE that if I ever had a baby girl, I would never subject her to the color pink.
I could go on to defend myself and argue that the color is more of a greyish pink with darker undertones and that I am still incorporating plenty of grey and blue tones into this little nursery but lets face it, pink is pink and I am guilty as charged.
Maybe it is the change I needed from having a boy? Maybe I just needed to step out of my box and try something new?
Maybe it is because I cannot believe that, in only 14 days, I will have a baby in my arms, let alone a baby girl. I feel the need to continually pinch myself. Is this all for real? Because, quite honestly, I still can’t wrap my mind around all of this.
Even the large belly and heartburn isn’t convincing enough.
I keep telling everyone that when I was pregnant with Oscar, I had his room ready and organized by week 30.
Yesterday, at the 37 week mark, I found myself sitting on the nursery floor, watching Greg hang curtain rods while my sewing machine sat idling downstairs waiting to work magic on curtain hems. Our hallways are lined with boxes full of baby things, packed away nearly 5 years ago when Oscar grew out of them and framed pictures lean precariously against the dining room wall until I can get my act together and finish what I started.
It is said that the second pregnancy is far different from the first and I am living, breathing proof. Well, “breathing" may not be the best word being that my diaphragm is constantly being imposed upon, but you get my point. External factors have kept me so preoccupied that I sometimes forget what has been cooking in this oven. I hear the clock ticking and realize that the timer is going to go off very soon and I can’t help but wonder if I am ready for this party.
THANK YOU all for your emails and messages asking how things are going. I apologize for the 3 month hiatus but the last three months have vanished into thin air rather quickly. I was busy wrapping up final wedding work, taking time to be with our family and friends in Michigan and working on a house that feels like it has been in a constant state of change since the moment we found out we were pregnant (Oh, and when I say “working" I mean “Greg is working" and I am bossing him around).With everything going on, this pregnancy has flown by and I have been feeling pretty damn good.
Damn good and lucky and blessed and knocking on wood.
I still find myself scared and afraid at times, hoping our baby girl is strong and healthy. I can’t help but sense the concern and fear lingering in the back of my head, ready to pounce at any second, “Ah ha! Look, here we are! Ready to remind you that life ain’t always easy.“ Funny how perspective changes when life doesn’t go as planned and some bumps in the road throw you much further off course than you imagined. It wakes you up to reality a bit more and I can’t help but wish, at times, that I was still sleeping.
Regardless, at this point, I just want her here. Plain and simple.
But she can wait until her room is ready.
In the past three months, I have had two ultrasounds. One in June and the final one a few weeks back. Everything seems to be going as planned and our baby girl showed us that she has a talent for sucking her thumb in utero. Her heartbeat appears to be strong and I know that because I now go in weekly, not only to be checked by my doctor, but to sit for 20 minutes as they monitor baby girl’s heartbeat. It is believed that IVF babies tend to arrive a little early so my doctor feels it is a good idea to keep an eye on things. For now, this little girl doesn’t appear to have any desire to leave her comfy surroundings.
So, unless she decides she needs to make a more dramatic entrance and surprises us with her arrival, we are scheduled to have this baby on August 16 via cesarian. Mark your calendars! On that day, Greg and I will arrive at the hospital by 5:30am and have her by 7:30am. You know, just like magic. Of course, there is always a chance for delay due to emergency c-sections or deliveries that will call our doctor away from us. Regardless, I think I am ready. Well, emphasis on “think.”
For those of you in Portland, Greg and I will be making one last appearance as parents of one child on August 14 at the Doug Fir to see my cousin’s band Wild Child. Though I am terribly bias, they are really good and we are looking forward to every minute of it. To have our friends there would be the icing on the cake.
If anything, maybe you could be there to remind me that I am a little braver than I feel and that everything will be just fine.
That, and you can remind me that pink is a nice color.
Love to you all,
ps- Not the greatest photo, but proof that I am still around and carrying this girl with me.